it's not always rainbows and butterflies

thoughts

 If I could forget would it make me happy, not knowing what I’ve lost, or would it make me sad, having nothing happy to remember?

come back to me ‘cause I know that’s how things are meant to be

people are like potatoes. Some smooth, some rough around the edges, some not the perfect shape. But in the end, it’s what’s on the inside that counts

I shouldn’t cry any more so why do my tears still hit the floor?

It might be team Edward and team Jacob but Dumbledore has an army

they say that some people are meant to walk into your life, teach you a lesson and walk out. But maybe some are meant to turn around and walk straight back.

that’s what happens when you’re nosey. You find out things you didn’t want to know :(

I may look calm, but in my mind I’m kissing you already

i honestly believe that we could be amazing

Just watched Serendipity…I wish something like that would happen to me. Like you’ll come back or something

But it would be nice if he gave you a map to help you find your way back to me. At least then I would have a chance. Because what hope is there when you aren’t even in my life?

you can’t just choose when you want us around, either we’re in your life or we’re out

when I’m sitting here all alone, the truth is plain to see, I can’t ignore all these feelings, I just want you here with me

what I learnt from mean girls

don’t abandon your friends or be a b*tch

DON’T HAVE SEX. OR YOU WILL GET PREGNANT. AND DIE.

you mess around our minds and tear apart our hearts

sometimes I rather you hated me than this. This indifference. This lack of caring if you’d ever met me at all

sometimes i wish that we could all just fall in love with the right person who would also love us back. But then i realise that would mean i would never have met you

They’re all so pretty and they’re all so nice but they can’t break through your heart of ice

I’m trapped in my mind, Where it rains every day, This can’t last forever, So for now i’ll just pray, That you’re still here somewhere, And you’ve not gone away

there’s so many stars in the sky tonight and each one shall be a wish for you

I have a time machine, it’s here in my head, takes me back to moments I shall never forget

sometimes we believe in fairytales cause they’re the only hope we have left

everyone’s hating and so many hearts are breaking, I just don’t want it to be like this any more

i just glanced at myself in the mirror and i look tired. Tired from the hours spent thinking about everything. Tired from staying awake listening from songs on repeat. Tired from lying there with tears filling my eyes when the lyrics start to mean too much. But it’s not just a physical tiredness. Something is missing. I can force myself to smile but i can’t make my eyes light up. They don’t have that glint that whispers ‘i’m alive’.

there’s just something about guys with accents…

don’t lie awake thinking about everything. go to sleep. you can’t cry when you’re asleep

I might miss your smile and how i always looked forward to seeing you. I might miss your hugs and how I’d hope to bump into you. But you know what? I don’t miss crying every night. I don’t miss the pain. And above all, I don’t miss you not caring one little bit.

When you said you’d love me forever i wanted it to be true but deep down i was realistic. But when you said we’d be friends forever, well i really did believe that was possible. It’s a shame you didn’t mean that either.

i can close my eyes and go back to that moment. That moment that changed everything. That moment that ruined it all. But the reason i can relive it is that if i really did go back, really could change it, i wouldn’t. I’d repeat the mistake. It ended up ruining everything but for a moment it was exactly what i wanted. And i can’t regret that

i might not love you like i did but that doesn’t mean i’m not missing you like hell

I promised myself I’d never cry over you again, but you never kept your promises so why should I?

this is my chance to move on, to be free. But it’s hard to finally let go. I guess that’s because I always thought you’d be part of my life. I always thought you’d be there. Somewhere. Saying goodbye is never easy. And somehow i’m supposed to say it forever.

you think I should move on, but here’s the thing, when I said I love you, I meant it

Just remembered about eternal sunshine of the spotless mind. But if I could really erase you from my mind I don’t think I’d want to. Not really. And anyway if I did there’d be nothing left for you’re all I think about.

thinking about you makes me sad. It’s a shame because it used to make me so happy.

don’t you dare say i don’t care about anyone. You can’t see into my mind. If you did you’d know that most of the time i care too much. It’s just that it happened to be about the wrong people

that awkward moment when you smile at someone automatically because you’ve done it so many times before. Then they blank you and you remember you’re no longer friends.

you just delete anything you don’t like. One click it’s just that simple. but here’s the thing, when it comes to life, it isn’t that easy to undo things or to remove people you don’t like. You can’t change the past. Even pretending thing’s haven’t happened doesn’t work forever because someone will remember the truth.

i wish i could see you right now, and you’d hug me and for a moment i could pretend everything was like it used to be, for a moment i could pretend that everything was okay

I never wanted anyone as much as I wanted you. You were the only person I’ve ever been scared to lose. But I didn’t realise I was pushing you away until it was too late. And now I realise, I was the only one to blame.

i know i don’t have bad life. In fact i have a pretty good life. It’s just there’s this girl i know. She’s prettier than me. She’s skinnier than me. She’s funnier than me. She’s more popular than me. And she has the one thing i’ve always wanted

if i can’t write it here i can’t write it anywhere

I LOVE YOU

I’ve been so busy recently but I reckon that’s what’s got me through this. Cos everytime I stop for a moment I start thinking, I start remembering. Everytime I watch a movie with a happy ending, everytime I hear that song and properly listen, that’s when it all comes flooding back. And the tears come flooding out.

yes I miss you

of course I miss you. I’ve not seen you in ages. We’ve not spoken. I haven’t heard anything from you. And it’s not like I can ever say hi. You don’t want me to. So I just have to wait and see if one day you change your mind. But I’m fed up of always doign the waitng and the thing is I doubt we’ll ever be friends again. I seriously hate this. I just need you. I need to talk to you occaissionally. I need you to walk past me and smile. Cause you’re acting like we never even met, like you never even knew me. And I can’t just forget that easily. I can’t erase someone who was the biggest part of my life and my reason to live for. Why can’t we just go back to when we were friends? Why cant you just come back?

I thought i’d fought hard but now i realise how much harder i should have tried, if i’d known how difficult it would be, i’d not have let you go so easily

please can we be friends again? I can forget about what you did and all the pain you caused, anything just to see you again, anything for you to look at me and smile

I keep thinking of all the things I could say, how I could apologise and then maybe everything would be okay. But then I remember how messed up this really is, how you really, really don’t like me, how you don’t ever want to see me again. That’s when I realise I’m hoping for the impossible.

just a lil confession…but i’m scared about tomorrow. Scared that i’ll see you. But the thing is i need to. There’s some things i need to say. I expect it will end with goodbye. Properly this time, if we haven’t said goodbye already. I know you don’t want to be friends. But i have to try don’t i? I have to check there’s no way we can talk and laugh together again. If i didn’t try i’d never forgive myself. And after tomorrow, after i’ve tried everything, then i’ll act like i’ve moved on. I won’t start a conversation with you again. I won’t mention your name.

just so you know, that wasn’t easy for me

I didn’t know what to expect but I knew it wouldn’t be good. Still, I thought I’d go up to you and apologise. And you didn’t even give me a chance. Two minutes was all I needed but instead you walk off and leave me standing there.

i’d give you the silent treatment so you’d know how it feels, except you wouldn’t notice and you wouldn’t care

I saw you standing over there and that’s what hurts the most. Not being able to go over and instantly smile at you. Not getting a hug from you and me never letting go. Not talking to you but watching from a distance with you just out of reach

i hope you’re okay. and this is the hardest part. not being able to ask you. not being able to help. I can’t even try and make you smile. to be honest, I just feel useless.i just need to talk to you and to apologise and then for you to say it’s all okay and to hug me and i’d stay there forever because now i know what it’s like to never get a hug from you any more

i wait for you to come online and then just stare at yor name

Apparently when you see someone you’re attracted to, your pupils dilate. Well i just looked in the mirror and mine were enormous. Guess i’m just so damn sexy.

i’m glad you can talk to me again and that you’ll tell me things, but everytime it’s a problem about a girl, there’s always a girl who you like, and it’s never me

i guess we all have that one person we keep going back to…but i keep going back to you and you keep going back to her

what is the point? I can’t even think of anything to say and even if I could it wouldn’t make any difference anyway. You’re never gunna care about me so let’s just leave it at that.

after having a dream within a dream several times I conclude that not only is my reality messed up but my dream world’s pretty screwed too

they say love is about putting someone’s happiness before your own, and I guess that’s true cos I’m happy just talking to you even if you’re talking about how you love someone else

we keep on loving them in the hope that in time they’ll love us again and by the time we realise that there’s no use in waiting, it’s too late for us to stop loving them

what i miss is being able to talk to you so easily, about anything, for hours, and the smile that would be on my face the whole time

ever felt like this?

  You aren’t always perfect. There are times when you’ve hurt me and times when you just haven’t cared. Maybe at these times I should have been angry at you. Maybe I was. But I never told you. I never tell. I never have a go at you. I never make you feel bad for what you’ve done. Or what you haven’t. I guess I’m scared to fall out with you. Scared to lose you. Because I don’t think you’d actually mind if you lost my friendship. And I think that’s why, if we ever do have something like an argument, I’m always the one to apologise. I’m the one begging for us to talk again. Begging for you.

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