dear tumblog
Everything I write here is just what pops into my head at that moment in time and is therefore completely inaccurate and most definitely not true. If I paused to think for just a minute I would probably disagree with all of this myself. And they’re my thoughts and I can think what I like. If you know me don’t judge. And you, yes you, I’m sorry.
16/10/10 Dear Tumblog, why was I so stupid?
I guess I should probably start at the beginning. Well with yesterday evening at any rate.
20/10/10 Dear Tumblog, I wish they didn’t hold me like that.
21/10/10 Dear Tumblog, why do I keep making excuses for him?
Or maybe his chat is messed up.
25/10/10 Dear Tumblog, maybe I’m as bad as him
This guy keeps trying to talk to me. So I guess what I do to him is what you do to me. But at least I reply and I try to make conversation, it just ends up pretty i and boring. I don’t ignore him though.
27/10/10 Dear Tumblog, today’s date is now etched into my memory
just like a few others, that last day of term in December (and of course the evening before it). And your birthday. Funny how we used to count down the days until we could run away. A year and a bit now, but you stopped counting long ago.
31/10/10 Dear Tumblog, it’s Halloween and I’m sat at home like a loser
Beacuse I’m not allowed out until my uni application is done. Except to go to work of course or to volunteering. Argh.
02/11/10 Dear Tumblog, today was so awkward
That stupid lecture messed all my plans up. Not that they were particularly thought through. 1: meet friend who will hang out with me and pretend to talk outside music whilst i wait for you 2: meet you, drag you back inside music. 3: talk.
04/11/10 Dear Tumblog, maybe is he just being nice
06/11/10 Dear Tumblog, this could be so inconvenient
07/11/10 Dear Tumblog, everything’s looking up
So I did see him a little bit at work, but no thoughts about the embarrassment yesterday. But the thing is, I was being so stupid. I don’t want to fall for him. And now I’m pretty sure I won’t. Yeah he’s nice, but he’s like that with all the others too. I’d love to be great mates and all that but I know I’m not going to be anything special.
08/11/10 Dear Tumblog, I don’t know what to say
And yes technically it is now after midnight, but this is about today’s events.
09/11/10 Dear Tumblog, I needn’t have worried about whether talking to you was the right thing to do
I didn’t get the choice
10/11/10 Dear Tumblog, I think I may be too late
Or maybe it’s my over-active imagination
23/11/10 Dear Tumblog, well I guess that’s it.
I found you. And I told you. I could have done with a bit more time but if I am completely honest it went quite well.
26/11/10 Dear Tumblog, welcome back mr work guy :)
It’s good to have you all happy again. And being nice. But normal nice. Not the I may almost fancy you a tiny bit so let’s be flirty nice. Which is good.
30/11/10 Dear Tumblog, that was meant to be a kind of goodbye
I was meant to tell you everything and then I could drop the subject forever. I guess I was hoping that it would help me to move on.
04/12/10 Dear Tumblog, I know you say it as a joke, but really, me?
You think that I could get one, let alone lots of guys?
05/12/10 Dear Tumblog, I heard our song at work today
Not that we actually had a song. If you heard it I doubt you would think of me.
07/12/10 Dear Tumblog, I so almost saw him today
But I was too scared.
09/12/10 Dear Tumblog, there is so much to say
and so little time.
17/12/10 Dear Tumblog, today is so much different from last year
And I must finish this post later otherwise I’ll get caught up in it and write too much and be late for work.
But some things are the same. I still care. In fact, I think i care more.
19/12/10 Dear Tumblog, one piece of news can change everything
even if it’s about someone you don’t even know
24/12/10 Dear Tumblog, it’s Christmas Eve
Last year I knew something was up, you were slipping away. You would barely talk to me. And those statuses, surely you knew I’d see them. Didn’t you realise how much that hurt? Just a reminder because it seems like you’ve forgotten everything.
30/12/10 Dear Tumblog, there were so many things I was going to say
But now i’ve heard one great piece of news and none of that seems important
And now everything has just changed again. But for now I’ll try and go back a few hours and unknow everything.
10/01/11 Dear Tumblog, I think I may survive this
I did actually write a status in the end. You had to go and comment though so people knew who it was about. But I think only one other person saw it anyway. And I don’t mind. Not really.
12/01/11 Dear Tumblog, please can he just mail me
I know I’ve been bad and not done much revision, but please don’t punish me like this.
14/01/11 Dear Tumblog, I hope I didn’t let you down
Of all the people I didn’t want to bump into, you had to be there. And only because I decide to delay going home.
will finish this later
17/01/11 Dear Tumblog, I don’t really know about anything any more
I’ll just summarise the few imprtant things I need to remember and do details later. Right now I just cba.
18/01/11 Dear Tumblog, why is it never me?
And if I’m perfectly honest it shouldn’t be who it is either.
28/01/11 Dear Tumblog, an update and correction
Believe me, she’s not the only one, but I’ve focussed on her so that’s what I’ll stick to. This is just in case you were wondering what happened to the girl who thought she was in love.
11/02/11 Dear Tumblog, I wonder if it’s worse now or a year ago.
Well just over a year ago. But it took a few days for it all to sink in, for me to realise you were actually gone.
13/02/11 Dear Tumblog, I need to write about how I feel
except I’m not really sure myself.
15/02/11 Dear Tumblog, i should keep my tumblog page up to date, saves me hunting for them later
it also means you didn’t see the ones where it says I AM SO OVER YOU. And since when do you look at my tumblr anyway??
21/02/11 Dear Tumblog, I am actually starting to dislike you
And yes I realise that’s not today’s date but these are old thoughts and there are more important things to talk about these days.
23/02/11 Dear Tumblog, I didn’t realise it was possible to change the past
We can’t go back and make ourselves say that one thing we wish we had, we can’t take back things that we did, we don’t have a time machine. But we can change people’s perspectives of the past. We can ruin the past with what we do now.
01/03/11 Dear Tumblog, I can’t believe it’s been a month
A whole month since I last saw you. A whole month since I made that mistake.
01/04/11 Dear Tumblog, I can barely remember the last time I wrote.
Except the main situation is just as bad as before. I did try to apologise, but more on that later.
Okay, that’s harsh. How do we know how much someone else loves someone. And I’m sure she knows you. But so do I. So much. Sometimes I know you better than I know myself.
21/07/11 Dear Tumblog, ever felt like something is going to happen, soon?
Like something big. It’s like it’s almost upon me and I don’t have time to decide what to do. I’ve got a choice to make, but I don’t know if I want to.
Of course you haven’t felt like that, you’re a blog…
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